Leadership Wisdom: The Positive Power of Regret

By Cynthia Plonien DNP, RN, CENP

If only I had …? What if …? Have you said these words to yourself? If so, it is likely you have experienced “regret” and wished for a better outcome.

In cultures around the world, recognition of regret summons unpleasant emotions. A number of individuals have adopted a mantra of “no regrets,” tattooing the phrase on noticeable body parts as a reminder and an anthem of personal praise. In the US, leaders and pop icons communicate anti-regret values daily. Angelina Jolie, Bob Dylan and John Travolta, simply state, “I don’t believe in regrets.” Norman Vincent Peale, America’s positive thinking pioneer, urged mentees to leave no room for regrets. Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg insisted that time not “be wasted” on regrets (Pink, 2022).

Noted leaders, it seems, may misunderstand and underestimate the value of regret to professional success and lives well-lived. At issue is a focus on the negative aspects of regret. Lingering on a failure too long, replaying it over and over in thoughts, can bring an individual to emotional despair. However, addressing a regret with the intent to change a failure into a victory has the opposite effect.

Regret allows a critically thinking leader the luxury of time travel, seeing the past, while at the same time, envisioning the future. Time travel viewing multiple possibilities is unique to humans, and a mark of a healthy maturing intellect, growing in the wisdom of leadership.

Research shows that regret managed appropriately, sharpens decision-making skills, elevates performance and strengthens a sense of meaning (Pink, 2022).

Daniel L. Pink, a keynote speaker at the AONL 2022 Conference teaches us how looking backward, moves us forward. In addition to his presentation at AONL and other venues, he has authored a new book on the topic, published Feb. of 2022.

Per Daniel Pink, the purpose of his book, The Power of Regret, is to “reclaim regret as an indispensable emotion” (p 13), and to show how to use its strengths to make better decisions, perform better at work and school and bring greater meaning to life. Pink’s insights shared throughout the book draw from academic research in psychology, neuroscience, economics and biology. Adding his own original research, Pink and his team completed a World Regret Survey, involving more than 16,000 participants in 105 countries.

The World Regret Survey findings revealed that people have regrets that fall into four categories:

1. Foundation regrets – “If only I’d done the work.”
2. Boldness regrets – “If only I’d taken the chance.”
3. Moral regrets – “if only I’d done the right thing.”
4. Connection regrets – “if only I’d reached out.”

In his book, Daniel Pink outlines how regret transforms into a positive force utilizing a science based three-step process:

Step 1. Self-Disclosure: Relive and Relieve
Step 2. Self-Compassion: Normalize and Neutralize
Step 3. Self-Distancing: Analyze and Strategize

In all cases of regret resolution, action is essential. As stated by Pink, “All regrets aggravate. Productive regrets aggravate, then activate” (2002, p 54)

Daniel L Pink’s new book: The Power of Regret. How Looking Backward Moves Us Forward is an excellent read for leaders in Nursing and Health Care. In addition to the book, videos are available on Youtube.

Reference:

Pink, D. (2022, April 11-14). The Power of Regret. How Looking Backward Moves Us Forward. [Conference Presentation]. AONL 2022 Conference, San Antonio, Texas.

Pink, D. L. (2022) The Power of Regret. How Looking Backward Moves Us Forward. Riverhead Books.