Financial planning through one LGBTQ+ couple’s lens

By Mindy Neira

My wife, Lisa, and I have been navigating financial decisions together for 10 years. While we are both financial advisors, it still isn’t easy. Our planning needs are similar to those of our clients: Get married, buy a house, start a family, decide on significant career moves, retire comfortably, maximize investment returns, manage taxes, donate to charities, etc.

As advisors, incorporating the uniqueness of our clients’ individual situations is the art of financial planning. When we serve a diverse population, this is especially important. In our case, we must consider the nuances of being in a same-sex relationship. This creates a wonderful, yet sometimes challenging, aspect to our financial plan.

In this article, I share some examples through the lens of my personal life with Lisa. Let’s start with a big one.

Get married

When a 2013 Supreme Court ruling made it possible for same-sex couples to marry, we confronted the exciting decision about whether marriage was right for us. When you’ve spent most of your life thinking this wouldn’t be possible, the answer didn’t come quickly or easily. We ultimately decided we wanted to formally tie the knot, but others we know have decided against it. We had two reasons: to formally pronounce our commitment and love for one another; and to participate in financial benefits such as filing taxes jointly, having the option of family medical benefits, and sharing retirement benefits.

Now we wonder if marriage equality could be reversed in the future. And we still face equality gaps in legislation at the state level.¹ Plus, there are the daily indignities when some people just don’t accept our relationship, question it, or deny us service (remember the wedding cake stories?). For that reason, much of the rest of our planning includes protections for us as individuals and as a couple. This includes key markers in many couples’ lives together, such as where to live, whether to buy a house, and whether to have children.

Buy a house

It took us a while to decide to settle in New Jersey. First, we wanted a state that recognized marriage equality before the federal law changed. That means if the law was ever reversed at the federal level, our marriage would still be legal at the state level.

Next, it was important to be in an area with a known LGBTQ+ community so we can feel most comfortable being our authentic selves. We also thought of our future child growing up with two moms. Living in an accepting area is essential so that our child is in a supportive environment.

This decision affected our financial plan because many in the LGBTQ+ community live in or near major metropolitan cities. This means our cost of living is higher than the average household across the nation. This also means it will take us longer to meet our savings target for our other goals, which leads me to our next costly financial goal.

Start a family

We became a family of three when we rescued our fur child Avery, and now we are planning to expand to four with a baby. There are many options for couples to start a family when they cannot do so naturally. Intrauterine insemination, invitro fertilization (IVF), surrogacy, and adoption are a few. Most health insurance plans include little to no coverage for these expenses, so this can be a significant out-of-pocket cost that generally does not count toward your deductible or out-of-pocket maximum.

My wife and I are doing co-IVF², which allows both of us to participate in the pregnancy. Our health insurance plans denied coverage, so the entire process will be out of pocket. While the Society for Assisted Reproductive Technology reports the average cost of an IVF cycle in the U.S. is $10,000–15,000,³ our first cycle costs were approximately $21,000. The chance of a successful first cycle based on our characteristics is 55%.⁴ If we are fortunate and the first cycle is successful, our pregnancy costs after that would be covered by insurance. If it is not successful, we will incur more out-of-pocket costs for each additional cycle.

More employers are beginning to offer benefits related to family planning. This supports not only same-sex couples, but couples who are unable to conceive due to medical reasons or because they have chosen to adopt. Health savings account plans can also add some pre-tax relief. With that said, let’s talk about a related milestone.

Career decisions

Lisa and I have made significant career moves in recent years to follow our passions and long-term career goals. Lisa recently left a large company for a fee-only RIA, and I just became an owner at my company (which in itself is like getting married all over again). There is a lot to consider.

In addition to seeking competitive compensation and benefits, a top priority was finding a place where we are accepted as out members of the LGBTQ+ community. New Jersey is a state with pro-equality laws, unlike many other states, so we knew our job was more likely to be protected legally. But we wanted to be sure we were surrounded by allies who would provide a safe working environment and foster the ability to advance in our careers.

In 2022, people may assume that you can find LGBTQ+ allies easily. While it is true that so many more people are accepting, especially in our area, there are many who are not. It’s difficult to tell where a company and its employees stand, especially in a field lacking diversity.

The Human Rights Campaign has a corporate equality index⁵ providing a national benchmarking tool on policies, practices, and benefits. It’s helpful, but it does not include smaller firms. In turn, the next best option is reviewing the potential employers’ websites looking for signs of allyship, asking many questions related to benefits and career paths, and finding a company actively looking inward with a focus on diversity, equity, and inclusion. Knowing our field has a long way to go in this area, this last point was particularly important as we consider our impact not only on our own careers, but the careers of others.

There are additional considerations and nuances, such as protections related to having a child through co-IVF, as well as other healthcare decisions, estate planning (see “3 critical questions for LGBTQ+ clients’ estate planning” in the Feb. 2022 NAPFA Advisor), and asset protections.

Everyone’s story and financial plan is unique. In the very diverse LGTBQ+ community, there are additional complexities that must be recognized and addressed. Our experience and backgrounds influence how we think about money, how we make our decisions, and our ability to meet our goals. By understanding where others are coming from and how history and legislation affects our lives, we can all be better financial planners.

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Mindy Neira is a CERTIFIED FINANCIAL PLANNER™ and Chartered Special Needs Consultant^® with Modera Wealth Management, LLC, SEC #801-71973, serving individuals and families with needs related to disability or medical conditions, and those who identify as LGBTQ+.

 
1. https://www.hrc.org/resources/state-scorecards
2. https://www.rmany.com/treatment-options/co-in-vitro-fertilization
3. https://www.sart.org/patients/frequently-asked-questions
4. https://www.cdc.gov/art/ivf-success-estimator/index.html
5. https://www.hrc.org/resources/corporate-equality-index

image credit: istock.com/bernardbodo