10 Things to Give Up in 2010 By Marlene Chism

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Instead of trying to lose 10 pounds for your New Year's resolution, what if you decided to give up 10 habits that keep you from loving your life? Here are 10 things to give up in 2010.

1. Give up the need to control
Impatience, complaining and manipulation are ways we try to change something that can't be changed. You can't control the weather, the crowds at the grocery store or traffic. All you can do is prepare, shop at a different time or leave early.

2. Give up your guilt.
Whether it's the voice in your head, or your mother telling you what you should have done, guilt is an energy drain. Guilt serves a purpose only when it helps you change something or apologize for a wrong; otherwise, it's a waste of emotional energy.

3. Give up changing others.
Telling someone who they should be or how they should behave only makes them resent you. The only time someone changes is because it benefits them. Sometimes they change when you set boundaries or make a request, but only if it serves their purpose. The wisdom comes in remembering you can change only yourself.

4. Give up comparisons.
There's always someone richer, taller, skinnier, smarter and more educated than you. There's always someone poorer, shorter, fatter, dumber and less fortunate than you. You'll feel either better or worse when you compare yourself to someone else. Whether you view yourself as better or worse, it's always relative and when there's an emotion attached there's always judgment. Judgment only blocks your prosperity and blinds you to possibility.

5. Give up self-betrayal.
"I didn't want to go, but I didn't want to hurt their feelings." Don't do things you don't want to do. Either own that you really do want to do it or simply say, "No." You betray yourself when you do things only to please others. Betrayal of yourself to please another is still betrayal, says Neal Donald Walsh, author of Conversations With God.

6. Give up the victim role.
Making yourself or anyone else wrong is just drama. Ask for what you want, correct the situation or accept it. If you want to completely eliminate the victim role from your life, remember that you always have choices.

7. Give up the rescue role.
Saying "yes" when you need to say "no" is rescuing. This includes listening to drama, buying gifts for people you don't want to buy for, going to parties you hate, and spending time with people who bore you, irritate you or otherwise bring out your worst.

8. Give up blame.
"I would have been on time but the traffic was terrible. I would have finished my report but I'm just too busy." All of us blame without realizing it. Instead of blame, say, "I left too late and that's why I'm tardy." "I had a difficult time saying 'no' and that's why I'm so busy." Take responsibility for everything in your life and see how much more powerful you feel.

9. Give up the need to be perfect.
Consider the notion that the need to appear perfect may be another need in disguise: the need to avoid criticism. Commit to excellence instead of perfection and you'll save time, be more productive and get along better with everyone else.

10. Give up the need to be right.
How often do we argue a point that really doesn't matter? Needing to be right will drain your energy and negatively impact your relationships. No one likes to be around a know-it-all.

Doesn't it feel good to know you can occasionally have that cheesecake, you don't have to compare yourself with your neighbor, it's okay to say "No" even if others don't understand, and you can still be considered excellent even if you aren't always perfect?

Marlene Chism is a corporate speaker, clarity coach, founder of the Stop Your Drama methodology and the author of Success is a Given: Reading the Signs While Reinventing Your Life. She also trains managers and employees through a dynamic monthly teleseminar system, Attitude Builders, designed to provide consistent and quality staff development with no hassles or prep work required, with individualized coaching also available. See www.attitudebuilders.com  or www.marlenechism.com.